Bitchfest: Met Ball 2014


Decadence. Timelessness. Glamour.

All things that were noticeably missing at last night’s annual Met Ball honoring the work of American couturier Charles James.

Sure there were some YAAAAAS moments as the looques walked up that red carpet, but honey last night was a Hot. Mess. And this is our bitchfest:

When Queen Wintour and daughter Bee Shaffer slayed the carpet before anyone else even had a chance and I was like DAMN, born into the wrong family AGAIN


When Oscar de la Renta could’ve been HBA and I totally would’ve believed it


When I wondered how Maggie Q is supposed to sit in that Zac Posen dress


When I wondered how Dita Von Teese sits ever

Katie Holmes : Gettybelle

When Belle did it better

AltuzarraWhen I literally gasped and my co-worker came over asking what was wrong.


liu wen zac posen onsugarWhen Liu Wen performed CPR and brought me back to life


When Karolina Kurkova kept the Models Killing Everyone Else train goin’

arizona muse glamourWhen Arizona Muse kept the train going.

kendalljennerdailymailToniGarrnWhen Kendall, Chanel, Jordan and Toni wore Topshop and fucked the train up.
Call 911, we need a steamer on 100 5th Ave STAT.


Riri. I know those eyes. Is it just the carpet color or…?

KarenElsonWhen Karen Elson GOT THE MEMO and brought me CINDERELLA GLAM.

rockawayWhen Cara apparently didn’t get the memo.
Girl. Met Ball Celebrates Baby Phat is NEXT YEAR’S THEME, DUH.

WHO?When I gave up. Like, when I fucking gave up.

Sarah SilvermanWhen Sarah Silverman was clearly abducted by aliens and replaced by this STUNNING CREATURE?

Diane Von Fusternburg When DvF displayed her forward taste in celebrities.

lenahairWhen I wasn’t mad at it.

AlexaChungWhen I still wasn’t mad at it, though a platform shoe would’ve really helped girl.

721-master-1024-v1When I couldn’t believe I not only wasn’t mad at it, but actually liked it, but then took one look at the shoe and quickly changed my mind. WE COULD’VE HAD IT ALL, KIM. WE COULD’VE FINALLY HAD IT ALL.

RihannaWhen Rihanna sobered up and apparently changed into this magenta number.

Proenza Imogen PootsWhen the Proenza boys showed up and who cares about fashion look at them just look.


OH RITA……… JUST…………..


When Marnie wore another pretty dress. Good job Marnie.

sochiWhen somebody finally wore shoes that went with their outfit. Thank you Elizabeth Olsen.

DonatellaWhen Donatella asked, “WHEN WILL YOU EVER?”

Hayden Panitierre DressWhen our high school’s prom queen got lost, ended up at the Met Ball and our principal was so,so  proud.


When I literally cried because omg Chloe what happened.

Beyonce : Getty

When the world said for the first time, “Wow, it must be so nice to be Beyoncé!”

And finally…..


…When I finally acknowledged Anne after ignoring her at the Oscars.

But in all seriousness, they dress up for our enjoyment. Don’t they?
And whether tragic or stunning, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Thank you Anna.

images from Fashin, Getty, OnSugar, DailyMail, Tumblr, CocoPerez

  • Krystal


  • Jillian

    “Met Ball Celebrates Baby Phat” omfg yes

  • SR

    There is a way to be critical and concise in your evaluation of things, and there is a way to write like a fourteen year old girl in an attempt to be funny. I couldn’t understand what you were saying AT ALL.

  • Taylor stone

    The girl you said was Rihanna in the second, magenta dress is zoe kravits, and you thought Rihanna sobers up ever …

  • erin

    A concise, critical and clear evaluation of the attire at last night’s Met Ball can literally be found anywhere on the internet. Obvs this is a place with a diff agenda. Shoutout to Fashin’s Riri eyes tho hahaha.

  • Jmarie

    ABSOLUTELY hilarious! Superb writing laughed from straight to finish! GOOD SH*T!

  • TheShoeGirl

    Thank you. This post is literally perfect.

  • AC

    Zoe Kravitz is my new favourite. The fact that you guys are on board makes it easier. A sober, stylish Rihanna indeed :P

  • Brittany

    like, can we be friends?
    i feel as if we could have a load of fun watching award shows, talking shit (aka the truth) and eating thai together in spectacular shoes.