Got your eye on a special, completely unsuspecting guy at your boring neighbor’s holiday party? WELL NEVER FEAR. You won’t have a lick of trouble (! Get it?) catching his attention in this completely psycho, unrelentingly hideous, cream of the ug-o crop, festive-goes-batshit sweater. Cupcake boobs? CHECK. Stuffed winking gingerbread man giving a thumbs up? U KNOW IT. Flattering turtleneck/sweaterdress shape? Actually, YES.
Available for all your party-crashing needs on ebay.
And of course, the only way to counteract the awesome man-repelling powers of a sweater dress this terrible is to add a serious dose of sex appeal. The mega platform heel of the 4 EVZ by Jeffrey Campbell will put everyone’s line of sight right at cupcake-height. Just where ya want ‘em.