SWEATING IT OUT: Day five

OHHHHHHHH YAH.

Got your eye on a special, completely unsuspecting guy at your boring neighbor’s holiday party? WELL NEVER FEAR. You won’t have a lick of trouble (! Get it?) catching his attention in this completely psycho, unrelentingly hideous, cream of the ug-o crop, festive-goes-batshit sweater. Cupcake boobs? CHECK. Stuffed winking gingerbread man giving a thumbs up? U KNOW IT.  Flattering turtleneck/sweaterdress shape? Actually, YES.

Available for all your party-crashing needs on ebay.

And of course, the only way to counteract the awesome man-repelling powers of a sweater dress this terrible is to add a serious dose of sex appeal. The mega platform heel of the 4 EVZ by Jeffrey Campbell will put everyone’s line of sight right at cupcake-height. Just where ya want ‘em.

SHOP 4 EVZ ($129.95)

• gross
• Holidays
• ugly sweaters